The question has haunted me for many years. When Erica was born, the head pediatrician of the hospital came to see me. She informed me that her soft spot on her head (very large – down into her forehead) is indicative of either mental retardation, or high intelligence. In Erica’s case, it turned out to be high intelligence.
Throughout her entire life, she would wake up in the night screaming. When I would wake up, go to her, she would be sleeping soundly. I would always wake her up and question her. She never had any memories of anything. When she was 7, the Dr. removed her tonsils and adnoids, believing that they were responsible somehow for her lack of breathing. That procedure failed. The night terrors, screams continued. Not every night. She would (from a very young age) tell me that she remembered certain situations that never happened. I don’t know if in her dreams, she actually believed them, and was unable to separate them from reality, or what? She struggled with herself, her own thoughts, and her attempts to articulate what it was she was really thinking. Her poetry, and journal entries are enlightening to me. She very rarely shared what she wrote with me. From a very young age (starting at 12), she would have stories and thoughts that were very unusual. Generally these types of stories and thoughts came from a person of an adult age of 30’s to 40’s.
I’m writing this, to prelude to the stuff that I will be posting in the future. I was only going to post her stuff that was uplifting, and emotionally soothing to read, but I’m going to be true to Erica and post ALL of her stuff. Please, bear in mind that there were times when she was growing up that our talks about her dreams, and her own personal recollections of her past were very skewed. Lots of what she remembered never happened. No, she wasn’t subjected to witchcraft, horror movies, rated R movies, or anything of the sorts. I was a stay-at-home mom, and loved my children so much that I wanted to protect them from the horrible things of this world. I’ve learned that you can’t protect them from Satan if God allows him to do his thing. I also know that we are all born with our lives laid out before us. I always felt like Erica was her own worst enemy at times, and I believe there was too much truth to that. I don’t think she could help what was going on with her. I believe in my core that she was tormented….from birth.
She would fight with me so viciously, and then without feeling any remorse, have conversations like nothing ever happened. That would always puzzle (as well as confuse) me. She has throughout the years told me how much she loved me, and how she valued my advice.
My only consolation in her being gone is that she’s not being tormented any longer. She’s at peace, and walking with Jesus, and the angels that she writes about.
This is about Erica. If you know about her, please take the time to add anything you want. Please, let the rest of the world know the side of her that I didn’t know. I’m moving forward with my life and all of this writing has brought such healing to me.
Her birthday is in just 1 week. I’m OK, and looking forward to celebrating her freedom with her.